Walkies

One of the important things is walkies. There are a lot of things to do when its time for walkies, so it is not to be entered into lightly. If they are both home that means it is a weekend and that means the East/West ranch but first things first.

If I decide that it is a good day for it, I will send out my thought waves to them. They are sweet people, but not very bright, so sometimes it takes them a while to realize what they are supposed to do. Eventually THE MAN will pick up the leash. He'll act all surprised that I'm ready to go, like going walkies was his idea, then he'll try to put the leash on me. 

There are certain rules:

1. The chain must not touch any part of my face. This is important.

2. That's pretty much the only rule about that.

Now my work really starts. I have to go out the back door and get Cash ready to go. Usually I do this by letting him know that I am going walkies now and that if he knows what's good for him he'll get ready to go too. 

Which sends him into a fit, the poor animal. Leaping, drooling, barking.

Like some kind of a dog. 

Which, I suppose, he is. So I can cut him a little slack there.

Next I have to MAKE SURE HE GOES IN THE BACK and NOT INSIDE THE CAB. Once this has been settled, I can sit in the back seat and THE MAN and THE WOMAN can drive me to the ranch. 

This part is pretty exciting, I have to admit. That boxer hangs out over the side and drools and his big jowls flap about in the wind, but I am more restrained about things. Sometimes a little noise might escape from me, but for the most part I am quite grown up about the car ride.

Once we're at the ranch, I have to be very quick. As soon as THE MAN opens his door, I must leap out of the back seat and fling myself through the doorway before he can even get out. If this works, I immediately head to the back of the pickup and MAKE SURE THE BOXER IS RESTRAINED. 

When the man takes the boxer out of the truck, I CHARGE HIM AND BITE HIS JOWLS! This is important to do, because the boxer needs to be brought down a peg or two, and this is the only thing he understands, the poor dear.

Now THE WOMAN ruins everything and runs the lead under my belly and between my legs so I CAN'T PROPERLY RUN. I tolerate this humiliation until we get off the road and onto the path that leads out to the broad plain that overlooks the ocean far below. I demand to be let off my lead, and then it's OFF TO THE RACES! 

PEE!

POOP!

BITE THE BOXER'S JOWLS!

GET IN HIS WAY!

KNOCK HIM DOWN!

PEE!

BITE HIM AGAIN!

RUN BACK TO THE WOMAN!

this basically continues until I lose consciousness and they have to carry me back home.

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Then I'm all puckered out.

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This is walkies.

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