Getting Pet

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Getting pet is, in the long run, what it is all about. Many, many dogs go about it in a typical, doglike fashion- begging, jumping, whining, spastic and pathetic pleas for some attention from THE MAN or THE WOMAN. 

Let me tell you, they've got it all wrong.

Getting petted is an art. You must make THE MAN and THE WOMAN want to pet you, to make them think it is their idea. One must never, never make an overt ploy for attention, for love, for the rubbing and scratching of the butt part. 

No, one must let the desire develop in the mind and soul of THE MAN and THE WOMAN.

Here is how it is done:

1. While they are watching television, pick a particularly tender moment, then put all of your attention on the tiny screen. Pretend to watch with rapt attention. 

Trust me, this drives them wild.

2. While they are oohing and ah-ing, toss them a sweet over-the-shoulder gaze. This will send them over the edge.

3. When they start patting their laps and banging on the sofa for you to come over and sit with them, look back at the television. 

4. Sigh.

5. Slowly, regretfully, make your way over to the sofa.

6. Wait patiently at the foot of the sofa until they pick you up.

7. Under no circumstances are you to leap onto the sofa yourself. This will ruin everything.

8. Once ensconced between THE MAN and THE WOMAN, play them off of each other until they are both petting you.

9. With both hands.

10. And kissing you.

11. This is getting pet.

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