Goddamn Sonofabitch Motherfucker

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Okay, check this shit out:

1. My right eye is all gooped up. Dry eye they call it. Now I gotta get drops in my damn eye twice a day. 
2. My face is all torn up and infected from scratching it because my goddamn ears were infected. So I'm taking antibiotics and getting my ears cleaned out and drops in them.
3. I got the damn arthritis in my joints and can't barely go walkies or get up on the fracking poof. So I'm taking a beef-flavored pain pill once a day.
4. Plus, the man keeps giving me baths.
5. Plus and, the damn woman is nowhere to be seen.

To say I am put out would be putting it mildly.

*

I do, however, kind of have a crush on all my new doctors at the new vets office. They love me so wicked bad they can't help themselves. They get all on the floor with me and rub my belly and my butt and kiss my face and all kinds of good shit.

*

Oh, shit. Here comes the man. 

He's gonna put me in the tub, I can feel it.

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Walkies

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This is the stuff right here.

The open road.

The iodine smell of the sea, the wind in my fur, private places to poop!

Its got it all!

*

Of late my parents have done lost their minds. The woman especially. The way it goes is, the man gives me a bath cuz I stank. Then he dries me off. Then I run around and around under the chairs on the back deck, scratching my back on the lower rungs. Then I lie down in the hot sun and take a nap.

All well and good, right?

Then, in a quiet moment when no one is watching, I slip away into the back garden, lie down in the dirt, and roll on my back till I am completely covered in dust and dirt and goodness.

Then I go inside and take a nap on the floor.

This is where the woman goes berserk. Out of nowhere she swoops down on me, all aghast and shocked at my condition, and out we go onto the back deck. Only now she busts out  the hose! And uses it on me!

On the bulldog!

The things I have to put up with around here. 

Its humiliating. 

*

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off for my walk.

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Weekend Plans

zzzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzz

zzzzzzzz.............snort.................zzzzzzzzzzz

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz............

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Check back later....





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There Will Be Toast

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My favorite movie.



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By way of explanation:


After dinner we get "slanket time" on the sofa and we watch some weird foreign movie, which is okay, sure. As long as I get pet.

But about halfway through the movie, Mom announces, "It's time for toast."


And we all get up and has toast.


My toast is chicken strip snacks.


*



There Will Be Toast.



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ether bunny

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"Oh, the pain, the pain!"


Dr. Zachary Smith, Lost In Space



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Me as a Puppy.

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'nuff said.



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Rainy Day Walkies

uhm, Dad, you let me get wet.

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The people think that I am being contradictory when I will run and play in the driving rain and splash in puddles and rivers and streams and run headlong into the ocean but I WILL NOT GET IN THE BATH.

They just don't understand what's fun and what's not.

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I'm glad my mom is back home. I slept like the dead last night.

All is well.

*

the end of the road, dude.

Later, gator.

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Lone Palm

getting my walk on

Dad takes me to the nicest places

It looks better with me in the picture

I had a lot of exploring to do

I pretended I was a bear coming out of hibernation

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Well, here's a little post about my day. The man finally stayed home from work for once in his miserable life and took me out to Lone Palm.

So instead of spending the entire day asleep on my custom hand-made Morroccan leather poof, I will only spend twenty-three hours asleep on it.

The other hour was spent chasing enormous white egrets and gazing at sea lions and otters and gulls and cormorants and eating grass and running and running and running and then walking very slowly and panting and resting in the shade and trying to eat poop.

A girl has got to try.


*


I miss you, Mom.


Hurry home.



Love-

Lu.


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