Lying Liars and the Lies They Tell

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Okay, lookit. If I tell you I haven't been fed, 

then I haven't been fed, goddamnit.

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Those other dogs? Laying about, acting like their bellies are full? Napping in the sunshine on the back deck?

Fucking liars.

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I ain't been fed yet.

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It's a good thing for me I speak a little Puerto Rican. THE WOMAN always listens when I throw down a little bit of "Aye, Senora, tengo muy hambre."

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"Ese hombre no me dio ningun cualquier cosa comer."

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No estoy mentiendo.

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Pet The Ass

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Look, it's pretty simple. I don't know why I have to spell it out for you every time I see you, but you can be a little dense at times, so here it is again:


"Pet The Ass Part"


You want to squeeze my face? Kiss me? Grab my jowls and shake my head back and forth? Fine. No problemo.

Just do me a solid, man. Pet the ass.

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You see me out there on the porch, rubbin' my butt on the bricks, on the sidewalk, on the welcome mat, on the chaise lounge and under the chairs, you gotta know I need that butt part rubbed.


It's not optional.

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I'm just sayin, is all.



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Lookit Me

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THE MAN did this picture of me.

I think it makes me look fat.

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And in need of botox.

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