Goddamn Sonofabitch Motherfucker

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Okay, check this shit out:

1. My right eye is all gooped up. Dry eye they call it. Now I gotta get drops in my damn eye twice a day. 
2. My face is all torn up and infected from scratching it because my goddamn ears were infected. So I'm taking antibiotics and getting my ears cleaned out and drops in them.
3. I got the damn arthritis in my joints and can't barely go walkies or get up on the fracking poof. So I'm taking a beef-flavored pain pill once a day.
4. Plus, the man keeps giving me baths.
5. Plus and, the damn woman is nowhere to be seen.

To say I am put out would be putting it mildly.

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I do, however, kind of have a crush on all my new doctors at the new vets office. They love me so wicked bad they can't help themselves. They get all on the floor with me and rub my belly and my butt and kiss my face and all kinds of good shit.

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Oh, shit. Here comes the man. 

He's gonna put me in the tub, I can feel it.

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